DeathMatch Cats: First Round
by PizzaCatDavid
Summary: RATED 15 and over: Contain strong language and graphic violence. Three fights. Jerry vs. Bad Bird, Francine vs. Princess Vi and Speedy vs. Guido.
1. Jerry Attric vs Bad Bird

DeathMatch Cats  
  
I don't own the SPC's. But I wish I did because I'll bring them back FOR GOOD!  
  
DIV: Hi everyone and welcome to Pizza Cats Deathmatch. I'm Div, ready to announce the three fights and boy have we got a great line up for you. Three fights ready to spill some blood. Im fight one is Bad Bird vs. Jerry Attric, fight two is Francine vs. Princess Vi...God that's gonna be one hell of a fight, eh Big Al?  
  
BIG AL: Oh, it sure will be, both have equal abilities, both are greedy and-  
  
DIV: Sorry to interrupt you, Al, but our first batch of fighters are just getting into the ring. Bad Bird vs. Jerry Attric. These two have been cutting up each other guts for years, all because of a game of cards and it's come down to this!  
  
BIG AL: That's right, Div, they-  
  
DIV: I almost forgot folks; the main event is Speedy vs. Guido, that'll get your blood boiling.  
  
BIG AL: Are you ever gonna let me have a say?  
  
DIV: Oh sorry...go ahead...  
  
BIG AL: Thank you. Well, I think-  
  
DIV: Let's go down to the ring, where Lucille will start the fight.  
  
TO THE RING.  
  
Jerry Attric and Bad Bird are in their corners.  
  
LUCILLE: Okay, would you two please get over here.  
  
Jerry Attric and Bad Bird walked up to Lucille, both looking angrily at each other.  
  
LUCILLE: Okay, you two, I want a nice clean fight, because I don't want to see blood, I can't stand the sight of blood. (Starting to get upset) In fact...I...I don't like it when people fight! (Starts to cry and then her top opens up) It's horrible!  
  
JERRY: Oh my GOD, SHE'S GONNA BLOW!  
  
BAD BIRD: RUN!  
  
JERRY: I CAN'T, I'M OLD!  
  
BAD BIRD: YOU'RE A CARTOON CHARACTER, OF COURSE YOU CAN RUN!  
  
Just then the missiles popped out of Lucille's hair doo and flied everywhere and exploding and one headed straight towards Big Al and Div. One of the missiles went for Jerry and impaled into his chest and ripping through his body and coming out from his back, leaving a blood pouring see- through hole before exploding seconds later behind him. Jerry looked at his chest before rolling his eyes back and flopped lifeless on the ground. Meanwhile another missile headed for Bad Bird, he opened his mouth wide and screamed and by doing that the missile flew into his mouth, he choked a bit and had no choice but to swallow it, he gulped.  
  
BAD BIRD: Oh crap...  
  
Bad Bird then exploded as little bits of flesh and blood flew everywhere and all that was left was a huge red circle of blood and Lucille just standing there.  
  
LUCILLE: (Giggles) Whoops...sorry...I'll just leave.  
  
BACK AT THE DESK.  
  
Div came out of his hiding and sat back down again, he was unhurt.  
  
DIV: Well...uh...I...I guess that Lucille is the winner. That was...pretty lame really, huh? What do you think, Al?  
  
Div could only see the side of Big Al but it looked like Big Al was freaked out by something...his eye and mouth was wide open.  
  
DIV: Uh...Al?  
  
Div turned Big Al's chair and jumped in fright of what he saw...Big Al was missing half his face, his brain and skull easily seen with blood still dripping out. This was cause by one of the missiles.  
  
DIV: Whoa...oh Big Al, stop scaring me with your party tricks!  
  
A bit of brain fell out and seconds after that Big Al fell out of his seat and flopped on the floor, not moving a muscle.  
  
DIV: (Annoyed) Now your getting blood on my new shoes. (Sighs) Join us after the break when we might see some actual FIGHTING! See you soon. 


	2. Francine Manx vs Princess Vi

Death Match Cats: Francine Manx vs. Princess Vi.  
  
DIV: Hi and welcome back, with me at the moment is Francine's boyfriend Bucky!  
  
BUCKY: I'm her ex actually...  
  
DIV: Oh...right.  
  
BUCKY: But I'm still here to support Francine!  
  
DIV: That's great news! The reason these two are fighting is because this is the battle for "Little Miss Greedy pants" title. They are both 18, both greedy and both love the sight of money! Now, before we go down to the ring, let me tell you what happened in the previous fight: Bad Bird and Jerry Attric were about to get it on but Lucille, who was the referee, got upset about fighting and blew her top, getting Bad Bird and Jerry in the process. We wanted blood and guts but not quite like that.  
  
BUCKY: Why wasn't Lucille put in a fight?  
  
DIV: Why do you think? She'll blow her top and win within seconds!  
  
BUCKY: Oh yeah.  
  
DIV: Anyway lets go down to the ring where Spritz T. Cat is the referee...who do you think will win this fight, Bucky?  
  
BUCKY: Francine with no doubt, Princess Vi is just a spoiled brat, I'll bet she'll get her servants to fight for her.  
  
DIV: Hmm...interesting!  
  
TO THE RING.  
  
Francine and Vi were in their corners, while Spritz was in the middle of the ring.  
  
SPRITZ: Right, you two get over here. (Fran and Vi did) Okay, I want to see blood, guts and brains and no lip stick swapping and fingernail painting!  
  
FRANCINE: What the hell is that suppose to mean?  
  
SPRITZ: Oh come on, Fran, you girls do it all the time!  
  
Francine clenched her fist and punched Spritz in the mouth, breaking most of his front teeth and some blood spat with them.  
  
VI: Eeeoowwww...watch my dress!  
  
SPRITZ: Ow...dat hurt!  
  
Spritz fell over and passing out at the same time. Princess Vi was still trying to get the blood out of her dress.  
  
VI: Oh no...it's stained! Bitch, this cost more than your LIFE!  
  
Princess Vi punched Francine in the face and then slapping her, Francine was forced back, holding her face.  
  
VI: You are gonna pay for that dress!  
  
FRANCINE: No way!  
  
VI: What? What did you say?  
  
FRANCINE: I said no way, you've got loads of money, get yourself another dress, at least I EARN my money!  
  
VI: How DARE YOU TALK TO ME THAT WAY! I AM YOUR PRINCESS! GUARDS, SEND THIS DIRT TO PRISONER ISLAND!  
  
FRANCINE: Oh shut up!  
  
Francine pulled out tons of credit cards from her pocket and smiled.  
  
FRANCINE: From no on, I'm gonna spend time kicking your ass!  
  
She chucks the cards at Vi, just like you would do with ninja stars. Some of the credit cards just flew over or missed Princess Vi but at least three of them impaled into the princess, one on the hand, shoulder and hip, she screamed as the thin plastic card pierced through her skin, she pulled them out, acting like a baby, moaning. But Francine ran towards her, not waiting for Vi to recover, Francine closed-lined Vi, forcing her to fall on the ground and moaning even more from the pain. Francine walked over to the nearest corner and climbed on it, getting ready to crush Vi with her jump, she waved at the crowd and she got a good reception. Francine looked at Vi and then jumped, sticking her elbow out and winding Vi in the stomach, Vi let out a gasp before moaning again. Francine was about to repeat the same move, she got on top of the corner, Vi saw this and looked worried but remembered she had something, Francine jumped heading for Vi again but in the last second Vi pulled this object out of her blue dress and Francine impaled on it, gagging and gasping, some blood trickling out her mouth, she looked shocked, Vi then kicked her off, Francine backed away but kept her balance, still standing and then looked down to see what stabbed her and saw it was a servants bell...the wooden handle sticking into Francine's stomach. She screamed loudly, shocked at the sight. Princess Vi got up and started laughing at Francine, as Francine moved the bell would ring.  
  
VI: (Laughing) Now you could be my servant bell! HAHA!  
  
Francine gritted her teeth and walked up to Vi, who was still laughing but was then put off as Francine slapped her right, left and right again across the face but Vi found an opening and punched Francine on the nose, Francine was pushed back and held her nose, she then decided to pull the bell out of her, she bit her lip as she painfully pulled the bell out and the blood pumped out of her, she used the blood stained bell and whacked Vi across the face with it, Vi span as she got impact, blood spat from her mouth and she fell on the floor. Blood was still exiting from Francine but she ignored the pain and climb on top of Vi, who was lying on her front and Francine got Vi in a chokehold.  
  
FRANCINE: Looks like...I win, princess!  
  
Vi noticed her father, Fred, was in the crowd, holding a spear.  
  
VI: Daddy... (Gasping)...pass me the... (Gasping)...the spear...  
  
FRED: FUR-RED! FUR-RED! FUR-RED! FUR-RED! FUR-RED!  
  
VI: (Turning purple) Damn it, daddy, I'm...(Last breath)...dying...  
  
Fred then chucked the spear at Vi, she caught it and slashed at Francine's face, Francine backed off in pain as Vi got up and with no hesitation pushes the spear through the hole that the bell handle did and coming out of her back, breaking the spine too and Francine gagged more blood out of her mouth.  
  
FRANCINE: Shit...who's gonna run the parlour now...?  
  
Vi pulled the spear out and Francine fell over dead.  
  
VI: YAAY! I WON, I WON! Did you see that daddy? No one messes with the Princess of Little Tokyo!  
  
BACK AT THE BOX.  
  
DIV: Boy, what a turn of events, good fight, huh Bucky?  
  
BUCKY: (Crying) OH GOD, I DON'T BELIEVE IT!  
  
DIV: I know, I know, I'm sorry...but Francine did put up a good fight!  
  
BUCKY: (Calm) Sorry, I missed "Project S", good show that...so, what'd I miss?  
  
DIV: Oh...uh...well, Princess Vi won.  
  
BUCKY: NO! OH GOD NO! (Calm again) I'm sorry, it was the last episode today...what did you say again?  
  
DIV: (A little annoyed) Princess Vi won and Francine is dead, she lost!  
  
BUCKY: NO, THIS CAN'T BE TRUE! GOD DAMN IT, IT'S NOT FAIR!  
  
DIV: Was that also to "Project S"?  
  
BUCKY: No, that was for the death of Francine, what the hell is "Project S"?  
  
DIV: (Sighs) Idiot! (Smiles) Join us again after the break, where the real showdown begins, it's Speedy Cherviche vs. Guido Anchovey. We'll be right back! 


	3. Speedy vs Guido

SPEEDY vs. GUIDO.  
  
DIV: Hello and welcome back, folks. If you've just joined us then you've missed one hell of a punch-bag fight. The title for "Little Miss Greedy Pants" was won by Princess Vi, after Francine had a real advantage by getting Vi in a chokehold but Vi got back by using her trusty spear that she also used in "The Pizza Delivery of Doom" but that fight was so five minutes ago...so now our eyes are on Speedy vs. Guido. (To Bucky) Well, Bucky this is it...this is the big one.  
  
BUCKY: That's right, Div, the whole world has been waiting for this one...two of the greatest super heroes battling it out to the death.  
  
DIV: These two fighters have been best friends since...well, since they were born. Why is it that these two great friends want to kill each other?  
  
BUCKY: Simple, Div, it's all about jealousy.  
  
DIV: That's it?  
  
BUCKY: Yep! Guido is fed up of being second fiddle, plus Guido wasn't getting any money from the products of things.  
  
DIV: Wow that sucks! Well, by the looks of things our fighters are getting in the ring. Let's go down there were our third referee will start that game. Before that...what are your predictions?  
  
BUCKY: This is gonna be a tough one, both don't know the meaning of the word surrender but I think Speedy will just get it!  
  
DIV: Yeah, that's what the odds say!  
  
TO THE RING.  
  
Speedy and Guido are in their corners, both wearing their work uniforms.  
  
DIV: In the red corner, he's the leader and self-acclaimed brave wimp of the group: SPEEDY CHERVICHE!  
  
The crowd cheers, nearly raising the roof. Speedy waves back at the crowd.  
  
DIV: And in the blue corner, he's a woo-woo to the ladies and one cool cat: GUIDO ANCHOVEY!  
  
Once again the crowd cheers again but this cheer has a lot of whisteing, especially from the women.  
  
GUIDO: (Enjoying every minute of it) Oh yeah...you all love me! When I beat the crap out of Speedy all you ladies can have a piece of Anchovey love!  
  
SPEEDY: Yeah...a piece that's gone off.  
  
GUIDO: Shut your trap up, Speedy!  
  
SPEEDY: Oh hard words from a weed!  
  
GEN. CATTON: You two get over here! (They both do) Okay, you two, you both know the rules...first one who dies loses! LET'S GET IT ON!  
  
Gen. Catton moves out of the way for Speedy and Guido to fight.  
  
SPEEDY: I'm gonna kick your ass so hard, your gonna find it hard to pull my boot out of it!  
  
GUIDO: (Smiles then looks up) Hey, look, is that Elvis?  
  
SPEEDY: I'm not fooling for that one, he's dead anyway!  
  
GUIDO: Uh...hey look it that Lucy Lui?  
  
SPEEDY: She's a crap actress!  
  
GUIDO: (Thinks) Uh...ah, hey is that Tim Robbins?  
  
SPEEDY: Is he the guy in The Shawshank Redemption?  
  
GUIDO: Yeah.  
  
SPEEDY: (Looks everywhere) WHERE? WHERE?  
  
Guido then grabs Speedy and headbutts him, he lets go of him so Speedy falls down, he lands on his backside and Guido starts to laugh.  
  
GUIDO: Oh my God, you actually fell for it!  
  
Speedy looked at Guido angrily; he quickly got up and started to run to the ring ropes.  
  
GUIDO: Hey, where the hell do you think your going?  
  
Speedy ran into the ring ropes as fast as he could, the elastic started to stretch and when Speedy couldn't push the elastic it pushed him twice as fast as he ran into it and made him bounce off them, flying towards Guido, Guido saw Speedy coming towards him, Speedy stuck out his arm, Guido gasped and got full impact of Speedy's arm, whacking him across the neck, Speedy had clothes-lined Guido and a click was heard in Guido's neck and he fell hard onto the ground, gasping for breath and Speedy landed softy on his feet. Guido was still struggling to breathe, while Speedy was cheering at the crowd.  
  
SPEEDY: OH YEAH! WHOOP-DE-DOO!  
  
While Speedy was celebrating, Guido twisted his neck and clicked it, putting it back into place, he was still dazed, he then saw Speedy standing in front of him and with no hesitation, Speedy kicked Guido five times in the stomach, each kick pushing the air out of Guido. Speedy stopped while Guido coughed and tried to take a deep breath. Speedy then picked up Guido and chucked him to the over side of the ring. Guido moaned slightly in pain, Speedy went towards Guido and climbed on top of him, grabbing hold of Guido's collar; Guido has not yet shown a sign of blood.  
  
SPEEDY: Come on, man, you can do better than this!  
  
Guido got his senses back and punched Speedy on the chin hard, Speedy held his chin to cover up the pain but distracted him as Guido kicked Speedy off.  
  
GUIDO: Your right, I can!  
  
Speedy kept his balance, while Guido stood up and charged at Speedy but Speedy moved out of the way with ease as Guido went passed but Speedy grabbed Guido's back and pulled him back and then punched him three times using the same right hand and then Guido swung his arm and with luck getting Speedy in the stomach, he backed off while Guido just mocked, he then forced a big bang blow on Speedy's head, which made Speedy slam hard on the floor. Guido ran over to a table, which provided two knifes, he grabbed one of them and looked over to Speedy who was just recovering from Guido's blows. Guido ran over to Speedy, ready to slash Speedy to bits, Speedy noticed Guido and the knife he was holding, he gasped, Guido made a stab at Speedy but Speedy dodged the knife with a quick roll, another slash, missed thanks to a back cartwheel. Speedy stood up and Guido made another slash but Speedy just missed the blade as he jumped over Guido and ran to the table with the remaining knife, he grabbed it and once again they were face to face, both knifes at each others faces, They walked around in a circle, expecting each other to produce a love but the suspense was so full that they carried walking around in a circle. Without warning Speedy stabs Guido, near the hip, the stab wasn't deep but the pain was sharp, Guido backed off, holding his blood-spitting wound.  
  
GUIDO: Bastard, that hurt!  
  
Speedy was somehow caught off guard as Guido swung the knife down to Speedy's shoulder, scraping the bone, Speedy screamed in pain and again when Guido pulled the knife out of the shoulder. Speedy turned and looked at his bleeding shoulder, the blood soaking on his white uniform. Speedy then turned to get back at Guido but then he felt a cold metal blade across his face, a red line showed up and blood tricked out. Guido then punched and kicked Speedy across the face, he falls on the floor again, his face now begging to feel all num, and Speedy was highly dazed as he rolled onto his back. Guido then stamped on Speedy, the force crushing Speedy's chest, Guido did it again this time a lot harder, Speedy gasped again, the blood finally dripping out of his mouth, at this time Speedy had nothing to lose as Guido was about to repeat another stamping, Speedy gained his energy and made a slash at Guido's shin, Guido backed off in pain, hopping around and whining like a little baby, Speedy then takes a breather before getting up and headbutting Guido twice. Guido managed to put his cut leg down to keep his balance despite the pain throbbing as he put his weight down on the leg, he headbutted Speedy also but it gave him a bump too and so Speedy headbutted him back again, he then grabs Guido's shoulders and flips over him, still keeping hold of Guido's shoulders, he then lands on his feet, now behind Guido and then jumped on his shoulders, wrapping his legs round Guido's neck and then punching Guido on the head, eventually breaking through the blue helmet and making Guido's head bleed. The pain surrounded Guido but nevertheless, he didn't give up as he grabbed Speedy's uniform and pulled him off his shoulders and slammed Speedy hard on the floor.  
  
DIV: This fight has been going on for ages...when will it end?  
  
BUCKY: These two just don't want to give up!  
  
VOICE: HEY, PUSSY CATS!  
  
The two cats stopped what they were doing and turned around to where that voice was coming from. A figure was standing at the entrance.  
  
BUCKY: Who's that?  
  
The figure then ran towards the ring.  
  
DIV: That can only be one person, Bucky, it's...Polly Esther!  
  
Div was right, Polly jumped in the ring and a very pissed of expression was across her face.  
  
GUIDO: Polly? What the hell are you doing here? Get lost, this is for the "No.1 Pizza Cat" title!  
  
POLLY: (Smiling cheekily) In case you forgot, Guido, let me remind you that I'm the most popular pizza cat!  
  
She then gets out her claws and then stabs Guido with them, also pushing the hand deep inside Guido until he felt something warm and squishy. She yanked hard and pulled out what looked like a blood covered water balloon was actually the liver, the blood poured out of Guido's hole, he gasped at the sight of his own liver and felt the cool air blowing in his body and he then started to go pale and woozy.  
  
GUIDO: Damn you, Polly...(Getting weaker and passing out) I'm gonna...need...that...that...brown ...thing...oooohhhh...  
  
Guido fell on his knees and then smacked his face hard on the floor, he died slowly. Polly chucked the liver away. Speedy was scared of what Polly will do.  
  
SPEEDY: Polly...n-now...wait a s-second...  
  
POLLY: I should've been in this fight from the start!  
  
Polly pulls out her frying pan.  
  
SPEEDY: No...Polly NO! ANYTHING BUT THE FRYING PAN!  
  
Polly whacks the frying pan across Speedy's face, breaking the jaw, she does it again and the impact broke Speedy's teeth, he spat them out along with the blood as his mouth was starting to flood with blood and the third impact made Speedy fall to the ground. Polly got rid of the frying pan.  
  
SPEEDY: P-Polly...stop it...please...  
  
POLLY: Why? You had no trouble fighting Guido!  
  
With no hesitation Polly dug her hands into both of Speedy's eyes and grabbed hold of them, Speedy screamed as he felt Polly's hands touch his sensitive eyes. Polly then started spinning him; his body was lifting off the ground as Polly still kept hold of Speedy's eyes. She then span even faster and the veins connecting to Speedy's eyes to the brain were starting to wetly snap and they did with a wet rip and Speedy went flying towards Div and Bucky.  
  
DIV: WHOA! SHIT!  
  
Div ducked as Speedy flew over him a real fast speed and smacked against the concrete wall, the blood splattered all over the wall, like a water balloon bursting. His eyeless face and front were impaled into the wall. Polly was still holding Speedy's blood dripping eyes in her hands, she then squeezed one of them and it popped out back fluid along wit the dripping blood and the over eye she just stamped on with her foot. Div then came out of his hiding, he looked at the lifeless Speedy who was stuck on the blood covered wall and then saw Speedy slowly sliding down the wall, Div then looked at Polly, who seemed to be blushing.  
  
DIV: Well, I...uh...guess that Polly won this one...boy, I didn't see that one coming, what about you Bucky? (Bucky was asleep, he was snoring) Right...uh...that's it then, folks...three, well uh two fantastic fights...join me next time when I'll be looking for a new job. Thanks for watching...uh...reading. Goodbye! 


End file.
